Fly Slip

flyslip

damiths

Filed under: ranatunga | 2 Comments »

And we are not ashamed to say it. This is mainly due to the fact that it will be shown on free to air television in Australia.  Which is a rare occasion that non Australian matches are actually on. The reasons for us not having paid tv are better explained here.

But there is also another reason. Preity Zinta. Those are not it but is also a part of it.

We would like to bring to your attention a player who we have taken on as our own from the beginning. You will remember him as that terrific bloke who overcame the fact that he played Tier B cricket in Sri Lanka.

I know. Tier B cricket is not something we should mess around with. It’s evil and weird. It’s the reason for  what’s happened to Rhianna. It also killed David Carradine.

We were captivated by this mysterious player from the wrong side of the domestic table.  India learned the full extent of what a Tier B player can do.  It was such pure satanic beauty. We lapped it all up.

We all did. In hindsight, we really had no choice in the matter because it was just so undeniable.

Then the most unthinkable, horrendous thing that could have ever happened - after what happened to Rhianna - happened. The team this human wonder played in got promoted to Tier A. Along with it came shameless conformance to playing proper cricket. Balls.

The man lost his magic and we soon forgot  all about him. But we have been watching him and following him at a distance.  Hoping he would rediscover his evil, cunning, wily ways.

And it seems he finally may have. Playing under the captaincy of  the ‘Mike Brearley of SL domestic 2020 cricket’ -  Jehan Mubarak  - seems to have brought the best out of him. Which in it self is kind of scary,  in a really bad way.

But if his performance in the inter-provincial final is anything to go by- this years IPL might see the return of the one we call Splendid.

His performance will be more important to Sri Lanka than any of the others playing. If he has half a decent tournament  - there will plenty of Sri Lankans who will sleep better.

Regardless - 4 for 9 off 3.2 is a good fucken way to start.

flyslip

damiths

Filed under: ajantha mendis, flyslip, ipl, splendid mendis | 7 Comments »

Except really really unfair D/L calculations.

Vettorri is a strange little creature.

He is the equivalent of that bits and pieces player you pick for your backyard game. He’s the quiet sort, not everyone’s first pick but you know you get some decent overs out of him and he can bat right or left handed if you asked him to.

Dan’s of course done one better. He is captain of the 8th state of Australia. You may have heard of it. Some people call it New Zealand.

The reason Dan leads this rag tag team of pretend cricketers is because he is the best in the world at this type of cricket.  If you can call it that. But he has mastered the art of looking weird and awkward but still being able to get runs and take wickets.

He does this despite being the only Half-Blood in world cricket. A Half-blood being a wizard born to a human and wizard parents.  This is in no way a peragotory term.  Because yesterday I was wishing I was just a little like Dan. Minus the specs.

Everyone knows that NZ only care about ODIs against Australia.  And yesterday Vettori just would not give in.  In the midst of it all he forgot where his off stump was. Sometimes thinking its 5 feet outside off and sometimes thinking its 10 to the leg. None of his shots reminded me of Mark Waugh but he got old hairy arms  pretty worried. With good reason.

The only way Vettoris romp was going to be stopped was if two English statisticians devised a formula that would make the Kiwi target very unfair - whilst also managing to confuse everyone else. Which is of course exactly what happened.

How Australia got their full 5 overs of batting power play and NZ did not is pretty fucked up. If that hadn’t happened we would have seen Vettori all gangly and awkward, reverse sweeping Ryan Harris for 6 from 10 feet outside leg stump.

Damn the English. Damn you to hell.

flyslip

damiths

Filed under: new zealand, vettori | 9 Comments »

Or Dick Head if you will.

Couldn’t have asked for a better guy to lead this mob than him really.

CA believes that Howard ”is someone who is capable of arguing Australia’s position”

Would that be ” they proved it in Perth with that thing”. That thing being the fancy gadget that proved Murali innocent.

Or him refusing to apologise for the stolen generations.

Ya, Dick head.

flyslip

damiths

Filed under: icc | 5 Comments »

flyslip: Mr. Ijaz..
Ijaz: Pls call me Jabba..all my friends do so you might as well.

fs- ok… Jabba, can we start by you addressing allegations from Giles Clarke of the ECB that an entire cargo shipment of Duke cricket balls have gone missing because..you ate them all?

Jabba- oh please, not this again, I have told you people a million times, it was a small misunderstanding. Giles called me after the shipment arrived and asked me to rate the balls. So I put him on hold and had a nibble at one of them. I didn’t think much of them, but they were ok. So, I got carried away a little and finished 3-4 boxes. So what? How was I supposed to know he had meant how they perform during matches.

fs- I see, is it true that you have never left this office since you took over?

jabba-(slightly angered), Are you implying that I am fat, boy? Let me tell you this, alot of people have accused me of being overweight, so overweight that I haven’t actually moved for about 14 years from this current posistion. But I say to those people, is this something you can prove? Where is the proof? Just show me.

fs- Err..we only meant that you seem very dedicated to your job..but moving on..what are your comments on these fresh allegations of match fixing that have hit Pakistan cricket and what actions have you taken?

jabba- SO you really think we havent taken action. Tell me Mr. fancy blogger, if we were to take action against a cricketer, where do you think it would hurt them the most

fs- I guess their pay or being dropped…

jabba-Hahaha, god you are so ignorant, its the food you fool,  you cut off their food supply. That’s how we do things here at the PCB. You do the crime you loose your meal vouchers, in fact I have those vouchers sent directly to my offices.

fs- Wow, so who has had their vouchers confiscated?

jabba- Clever, you think I am just going to give you names?
I will give you a clue though, what would you do if your stomach was making embarrassing noises and you thought you would pass out, I guess you might put whatver you had in your hand in your mouth. Have you seen anyone do that recently…

fs- So you are saying  Afridi has been involved with Match Fixing?

jabba- Afridi? Who said anything about Afridi? I am only telling you about the procedure we carry out. Dont go putting words in my mouth. Because they are not very filling.

Excuse me for a minute..

(Gets on the intercom). Hello, has the buffet for 50 been set up ? Yes sir, it’s ready. Alright thanks.

jabba-Sorry we are going to have to cut this short. My lunch is ready and I don’t like to eat my food when its cold.

fs-ok, well thank you for your time, hope you have a good day.

jabba- Thanks, but remember, you don’t have any proof of that.

flyslip

damiths

Filed under: pakistan | 8 Comments »

So it appears most us are really curious as to what indeed resides on Mohomad Yousufs beard. Or at least would like Afridi to take a bite and let us know.

Last week we asked you…

What other things would like you too see Afridi sink his teeth into?

* mohammad yousufs beard (35.0%, 52 Votes)
* eva mendes’s badonkadonk (23.0%, 35 Votes)
* jaques kallis’s moobs (15.0%, 22 Votes)
* his bat while he is batting (14.0%, 21 Votes)
* lalit modi’s wallet (13.0%, 19 Votes)

This week we ask you what Sachin’s secret might be to scoring all those runs.

< You know  what to do.)

flyslip

damiths

Filed under: flyslip, polls | No Comments »

Some of you may think I am a bit late on this post.

Sachin reached this ‘milestone’ a whole 2 days ago. I know this.  What happened was that it actually took all this time for it to sink in.

I was actually following the game on cricinfo, and when he got it, the 200.

I thought, no big deal. I mean, I scored 300 once in a backyard game. Those games are tough as (these Aussies are wearing me down).  If you hit the ball to the houses either side - you are out.  The only boundary is/was straight.

Then someone pointed out that Sachin actually scored this against the South Africans. Which of course is a feat - although not as impressive as my 300 - but still an achievement. SA were once the no1 test side in the world. As Randy Jackson from American Idol would say - That’s mad props yo.

After a bit more digging I realised he’d actually done this at better than a run a ball. The South Africans had even played Dale Steyn, you know that ruthless German from the 3rd Reich who kills babies for his sadistic pleasure.

And to cap it all off his innings actually helped India win.  I thought - Fuck me.

Then I thought -timing,  Sachin you motherfucker.

You see, he’s always had the gift of timing this short fella. I mean who needed a 16 year old upstart to play test cricket and make us all feel inadequate. While I was busy figuring out the front of my bat from the back, this guy was kicking it with test cricketers. Oh how  I hated your well timed arrival. I squarely blame you for the demise of my probably international career due to self - doubt.

Then came those nudges for four past cover.

An on drive that could give your grand father a hard on.

Flicks that seemed to dismember your wrists.

He then timed an in genius comeback in Chennai when most thought he was done.

And he did all this despite being handicapped by his height.

And this 200 is just another one of those things Sachin timed to perfection. A lot of people think that he is a selfish player. How else do you explain the trillion 100s he’s scored.

Think about it - we are pretty sure that ODI cricket will die within the next year or so. Who’s gonna break the record then? No one cuz there wont be 50 over to do it in.

Think about this now - why would someone wait for 20 years when we all knew he was capable of this for at least 15 of those years.

Sachin timed this, he knew what he was doing. He wanted a record that would he his forever. He wanted it and he got it. End of story.

Quite remarkable for someone who timed his growth spurt to end at 16.

flyslip

damiths

Filed under: sachin tendulkar | 12 Comments »

True dat.

Read it here

flyslip

damiths

Filed under: flyslip | 2 Comments »

Tait and Nannes.

What’s not to like.

They are both doing what quicks should be. Running in and hurling a tiny projectile as fast as you can over 22 yards.

I saw Tait last night and no one was comfortable playing him. His entire 2nd spell consisted of top edges behind the keeper. Plus he looks like he could have a personality disorder. More on that later.

Nannes, is a deadly beast of a bowler, who will either break you, or kill you. And when he and Tait run in from opposite ends its hard not to squirm in your arm chair.

Now, if only they could bowl more than 4 on the trott, Australia might be onto something.

flyslip

damiths

Filed under: australia, dirk nannes, shaun tait | 4 Comments »

Well it’s not like he wouldn’t fit in at all - He is Royalty after all.

I know who Gossip girl is but I cant tell you

flyslip

damiths

Filed under: sangakkara | 4 Comments »